FINAL LOG ENTRY
My time as an American migrant farm worker has come to an end and so with that I must bring this blog to a close. The last few weeks on the farm were incredibly trying. I was not making any more trips to Saskatoon and there was nothing left but the overwhelming isolation of my environment, and even worse was the inability to escape the constant thought processes (dare I say "voices") going on in my mind which I could find no escape. There were seriously days when I wondered if I could hold on, but if I lost it no one would even know...and then what? Thank God for Skype, and two of the best friends a person could wish for, Chris and Rita. They became my daily contact with civilization and offered the encouragement and confidence I needed to pack up and get out. Karen called just about everyday, too. A lot of the time we'd just discuss the mess happening in Madison with that moron Scott Walker at the helm. It was such a needed distraction. Another reason I knew where I needed to go. Home. Then the many sincere offers of a place to stay until I got on my feet also began to present themselves. Several from dear sistas I hardly knew. The guys were due back in a week or two (one never knows as they function on their own time which I truly admire), but as badly as a wanted to stay and see them I knew I had to go.
No one sold shipping boxes in the Outlook area. Doh! A trip all the way to Saskatoon. But even that meant I had to wait until the roads were drivable. Finally got my boxes and got them packed and ready to ship. More snow. More waiting. At one point I just headed out saying the hell with it! Made it a short distance down the main road and knew it wasn't worth risking my life. Turned around, back to the farm, and I again waited a couple more days. But the day did finally come when the sun was shining brightly and the roads welcomed me back. Back to Saskatoon for the last time to drop the boxes off at the UPS Store. It felt so unusual to have been there twice now, and not to have seen Sam. I had already made arrangements for someone to look in on Cletis Ann for the last week until the guys got back, and friends of Mavis' from Outlook were going to check in with her on a daily basis also. The time had come to leave Canada behind.
I stopped in to say good-bye to Mavis. We had our usual tea, and we ate some donuts that I had picked up on the way. We had grown very close. She is a very wise woman and I knew I would miss out chats and her insistence on taking time to have tea. I'm sorry I didn't learn to play Cribbage, Mavis. Perhaps we will still have that chance to play each other. On Thursday, March 24, with tear filled eyes, and emotionally spent, I headed for the border. I pulled into my old apartment building on Saturday, March 26th. Chris has been working feverishly since trying to make room for me so that I feel welcomed. Our goal is to both "pull up our big girl pants" and get busy. Splitting bills for a while until we get on our feet would help us both tremendously
It's kind of funny. I don't know where my life is headed now anymore then the first time I headed for Canada back in June of 2010. All I know is that I had an incredible time and I will never forget being an illegal migrant farm worker. We all worked so hard and played so hard...we lived! I saw such beauty that I may never see again. Will I ever out grow this thing inside me that has a tendency to just pack up and go? I'd like to say yes, but then what fun would that be? Is it better to have loved and lost then to have never have loved at all?.....my Goddess/God and I are still discussing this in great detail.
Blessings and great love to you all.
Maggie
THE END.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Message To Self
Dear Self:
Next time I start a relationship with someone (if and when) make sure that individual does not believe that 1 (one) argument constitutes the end of that said relationship. I can't even believe I didn't think to check that out before hand! Damn! What was I thinking. I am so out of practice in today's dating world. We had been together 9 months already! That's crazy. Of all the things that could have gone wrong by throwing a city girl onto the Canadian prairie for a winter (those stories yet to come) the only catastrophe was my relationship. I guess that solves the problem I thought I faced of changing the title of my blog. There is always a bright side isn't there...I remain "Single White Female American Migrant Farm Worker." Sam is very special. She always will be. And I must say meeting her family and having gotten to spend time with them has deeply enriched my life.
Also, no more "nice!" I am not nice. If I ever was nice, I am nice no more. In fact, I am a mean, cruel, abusive, angry, person who just happens to be too sensitive, menopausal, perhaps a bit too isolated at the moment (R-E-D-R-U-M), and an all round smorgasbord! I'm just saying, "look out." You've been warned. I used to get so angry (see, I'm angry right there) with Dwayne when he would say, "woman put the I-R- in RATIONAL. Dwayne, as hard as it is for me to say.....you are so right. But you already knew that.
It is only a matter of time now and "the boys" will begin their trek home to Canada. Admit it ladies...you're going to miss them terribly, but you're ready for them to leave, aren't you? (Tee Hee) They are very hard to keep up with sometimes. Down right exhausting! From my first spring here until the ending of my first winter I have decided that I wish to continue my blog as it serves as such an outlet for me during such an uncertain time in my life. Sometimes it just helps to write it down. And if you wish to follow I welcome you and always encourage tips, advise, a good joke, recipes...whatever you feel comfortable with.
Peace and Hugs (Pictures to follow next time)
Next time I start a relationship with someone (if and when) make sure that individual does not believe that 1 (one) argument constitutes the end of that said relationship. I can't even believe I didn't think to check that out before hand! Damn! What was I thinking. I am so out of practice in today's dating world. We had been together 9 months already! That's crazy. Of all the things that could have gone wrong by throwing a city girl onto the Canadian prairie for a winter (those stories yet to come) the only catastrophe was my relationship. I guess that solves the problem I thought I faced of changing the title of my blog. There is always a bright side isn't there...I remain "Single White Female American Migrant Farm Worker." Sam is very special. She always will be. And I must say meeting her family and having gotten to spend time with them has deeply enriched my life.
Also, no more "nice!" I am not nice. If I ever was nice, I am nice no more. In fact, I am a mean, cruel, abusive, angry, person who just happens to be too sensitive, menopausal, perhaps a bit too isolated at the moment (R-E-D-R-U-M), and an all round smorgasbord! I'm just saying, "look out." You've been warned. I used to get so angry (see, I'm angry right there) with Dwayne when he would say, "woman put the I-R- in RATIONAL. Dwayne, as hard as it is for me to say.....you are so right. But you already knew that.
It is only a matter of time now and "the boys" will begin their trek home to Canada. Admit it ladies...you're going to miss them terribly, but you're ready for them to leave, aren't you? (Tee Hee) They are very hard to keep up with sometimes. Down right exhausting! From my first spring here until the ending of my first winter I have decided that I wish to continue my blog as it serves as such an outlet for me during such an uncertain time in my life. Sometimes it just helps to write it down. And if you wish to follow I welcome you and always encourage tips, advise, a good joke, recipes...whatever you feel comfortable with.
Peace and Hugs (Pictures to follow next time)
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